Is It About Timing?
Since there exists in this four dimensional structure [space-time] no longer any sections which represent 'now' objectively, the concepts of happening and becoming are indeed not completely suspended, but yet complicated. It appears therefore more natural to think of physical reality as a four dimensional existence, instead of, as hitherto, the evolution of a three dimensional existence. Albert Einstein
My sister, Erica, often told me growing up that life is about timing. At times people are not at the same place at the right time. Two people may on the outset be the right one for each other, however if the core traits or strengths in ourselves have not been developed and shaped to be congruent, then it is not to be. Einstein's belief was that time "was the separation between past, present, and future," and that it was "only an illusion, although a convincing one."
We all are faced with tragedy, pain, trials, and experiences that mould our character and perception of the world. One day it may seem that all is right in the world, that some frequency has aligned perfectly, and in that timing so longingly yearned for has finally surfaced. Yet the next day, or night, a shift happens and the possible fortuitous happening may open our eyes to yet another missed opportunity. At heart, I have always been an optimist, with dark moments of depravity, but the tiresome journey of doubt and it's push and pull with hope and faith struggle to grasp at the meaning of what providence truly is.
Is everything really about timing?
My favorite Scripture of all time is Psalms 37:5-6, one that has resonated with me for the length of my life.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, and the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
It is poetic no? Verse 4 before this is "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Maybe on some level, I have not whole-heartedly accepted this. The acceptance of depravity attempts to reconcile the leap between faith and the realities of my own shortcomings and humanity's failures. Maybe it is that dark night of the soul tugging at my belief in grace and love.
Or it is timing?
Discernment is a tricky thing. When I was a child one of my favorite movies was Pollyanna. The novel for me came later. And while her name is often used as a replacement for naivete or unrealistic optimism, there was that prism of hope for the future, immediate dismissal of negativity of the past, and an understanding of the present that brought me comfort.
If Einstein was right and past does in fact go backwards, forwards and stand still all at once, then how am I to balance the pain of now and the hope for the things yet unseen? I so want to believe that the timing will all work out, but experience has taught me it often may not, at least the way I so often desire in the heart. This is certainly not to discount the innumerable miracles each day that surround us all.
Today I am somewhere like Einstein talked about...that three dimensional existence of not yet knowing or understanding what God's timing actually looks like. So I will forever look to the righteousness of the dawn and the justice of the noonday sun.
